He Loves Me

It started on June, 21th.

I was analyzing a sample while I got that 'love letter'. It's when I just get so annoyed because the program (a program to measure contact angle) keeps on crashing when I had so much sample to measure on.

"Ting!"

I saw I got a message from the notification bar. I looked at it slightly, I said "ah.. it's just a prank" when I saw that the sender's number is unknown number. I haven't read the entire massage- not yet, because I still had some sample left but I come to a conclusion that it's just another prank text.

few minutes later, the program was error again.
'aish.. ok. let's rest a bit'ー I thought. Then I decided to read the entire massage. on the first sentence, it's cleary said :

"Kpd Yt Bpk/Ibu/sdr/i. kami dr --- PMI Kota Bogor....." 

at first, I was like "oh.. nice one"ー I still can't believe that it was from 'that' PMI.
But then I remembered that I ever got a text from them too, saying thankyou for the things that I have done but with different phone number.


..... i was confused.


I read that text again to make sure that I really understand what's the text is about. at that time, I thought a lot. so many possibilities that could happen. it could be it's really​ from them, or it's from them but they're mistakenly wrong to send it to me, or it's really just another prank text.

"ok, thanks for the information" I replied, but no answer ofc.

I thought about it all night, and it's annoying. so i decided to come. to ask whether is it true or not because i felt so healthy.



22nd June,

I asked my mom to accompany me meeting the doctor (plus to drive me there because I can't ride on my own hehe love you Mom). It took more long time that I thought. Even my mom got annoyed. After waiting for some time, finally the doctor called​ my name. My mom followed me too but the doctor said that my mom can't join the consultation and politely asked my mom to wait outside. At that time I wonder why. Because in every drama that I watched usually they asked one's family to be there too right? But after the doctor told me everything, I could understand why. After consultation session done, my blood were taken as a sample. Idk why but this time, it's so hurt and the nurses really panic, she tried for 2-3 times even I got cramp and a rash that lasted for 2 weeks. :') 

the doctor said that if my test's result this time is non reactive then I have to be tested again after 3 month. Repeat it until 9 month. But if this test's result is reactive then I really have to examine it again in another hospital. She encouraged me, says that maybe there's an error. And.... I do thought like that too. Even though I can't lie that I'm also worried. She (the doctor) said that the result will be out in 1 week or 2 weeks. 

And...

i felt anxious for two weeks. ugh. why so slow? during that 2 weeks, I'm afraid to hear the notification sound of my text message.

And.. jazakallahu khair to you, for ever try to make me calm :). Really, I appreciate that. 

Everytime my mom asked me, " What happened? " I just can say "i don't know.. still need further examination. So can't be concluded" then I changed the topic. I haven't told my mom yet. Because I believe it will only gives her headache. So until I got the final result... I'll kept it alone. Just between me and my God, Allah SWT.

So, why do I didn't tell anyone? It's not because I don't trust you or else.. it's because I'm afraid. Even I still don't know why can that be possible? But then I realized.. nothing is impossible to Him. 

2 weeks later,

"Ting!"

Oh, here it comes. The message that I've been waiting. I didn't read it as soon as I got the message. I need to prepare my heart. 

.

.

.

bismillahirrahmanirrahim. I read it very slowly until the last sentences. I can't describe my feeling at that moment. I need to be examine in another hospital.

If in that final examination my result is possitive then I can start my medication and if this happen.. idk what will my feeling be. Maybe I could feel a lil relieved because I knew it soon but absolutely I would feel sad, right? -ah idk. Idk. But if in this final check my result is negative, I think I could feel so relieved even tho it still means I'll be blacklisted​.

One thing for sure that I kept telling my self until this time and will always be is, Allah loves me and this is a test for me whether I really love Him back or nah. Whether I made Him my number 1 to rely on or nah. I hope I could pass this test with good result. 

And because those several past day my health insurance hasn't active, I can't do it after I got the news. So I decided to do it by 30th of July. I wish and I believe it's negative. But whatever the result is.. I believe that it's what's best for me from Him. :') He will not test me beyond my capacity and He will always with me if I could sabr and tawakkul. Here's His promises fa, so please keep that in mind and heart. ❤